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Funny Stories

And So We Meet Again 



I woke up late the day of the proposed meeting, everyone seemed to want me to get some rest

Jon and Toby had left early in the morning to scavenge from a few local shops they didn't find much a few tins and that was about it

Considering that we have 3 more people than we planned on having our supplies are holding out well but soon we will have to travel further to scavenge for food we have already made plans to head to a few garden stores to get seeds and anything else we could possibly grow so we have a more reliable food supply

I gave Sky some new homework basic maths she started on it cheerfully she seemed happy just to have me back so she didn't complain

Ty Jenna and Lara were doing washing up and various other laundry bits and pieces

I headed downstairs to see Jack

Jack's room had now gone from looking like a garage to Q's lab

Wiring pieces of metal and tools I had never seen before scattered everywhere

He looked up from what looked like a half disassembled TV and laughed at the look on my face

"Come in come in morning careful where you step I dropped some glass earlier cant quite remember where it was though" CRUNCH "Ah there it is" I lifted up my shoe and saw the TV's screen below it

"Do you sleep?" I asked

"Cant sleep when you found me the other day I was well lets just say in a bad place but now" He waves his arms around

"Look I have all this!"I looked at the junk that had piled up remarkably quickly "Er.

yeah it's certainly something" I said

Jack chuckled "O.K Mr skeptical come see what I did to your stuff

He wandered over to one of the tables and picked up my boot's

"Well when I saw them yesterday they were in pieces the fact there back together now is a large improvement and you polished them" I laughed

"I have done more than that I cut in to the boot's and reinforced it with thin pieces of metal so they should be bite proof" I nodded my head "Cool" "You look dissapointed" Before I could respond he picked the left boot up and tapped the back of the heel

A large steel spike came shooting out stayed there for a few seconds before retracting back in to the boot

"Shit that's what I'm talking about" I was like a 12 year old after the latest toy commercial

"I call it the stiletto very simple to use kick the heel it pop's out impales whats on the ever end should go through bone quite easily powering it was difficult we don't have any compressed air so I have taken an idea from self powering watches use it and after a few steps the clockwork built into the built will store up tension and it will be useable again after 20 steps or so just try not to impale your own foot." "I'll do my best" I said carefully putting on the boots and testing the boot spike

I looked up at Jack eagerly expecting more he obliged

"Your baton on the other hand was more difficult I haven't tested it yet would you like to try?" "It's not going to blow up in my hand is it?" I said

"It shouldn't do here" He handed me the baton it was heavier than I remember it being and the pole was now a metal silver instead of black on the handle was a small red button

"O.K come over here to the table" He lead me over to a small kitchen table propped up against a wall

"Now extend the baton" I extended it it seemed the same as before but now there was a spike at the top about half the size of the stiletto but this one was hollow

"Now as I'm sure you know these were designed to be non lethal so I made a new shaft of steel and attached a hollow spike at the end now jam the spike in to the table and press the red button

I rammed the spike into the table it pierced easily and pressed the button a dull POOF came from the baton and I heard something imbed itself in the wall

I pulled the table away and looked at the wall what looked like a ball bearing had gone a good 2 inches through

"Yes I have given you an improvised gun but I recommend you impale with the spike before pulling the trigger at range it can be unwieldy and then of course there is the reloading" He held up what looked like an Alan key

"Reloading is simple but takes time simply slide away the bottom of the baton insert a new ball then use the key to turn the clockwork to get it ready for another shot

I nodded "Awesome so one shot deal for close encounters and quiet should come in handy but you do realize when Jon see's this he will want something to" I joked

"Already got something for him and Toby" Jack moved back to his work bench and picked up a mutilated cricket bat

"As you can see theses are already starting to show the signs of wear and tear soon they will be unusable so I have adapted them into these

He picked up another 2 bat's but these were different the handle and the left side were still the original bat but the wood looked like it had been reinforced with steel and ball bearings were poking out of it creating points for the impact to focus on

The other half was now a razor sharp piece of metal

"Blunt force on one side a slicer on the other think they will like it?" I took a few swing's with it "I think they will love it thanks Jack" "Oh I have 1 more thing for you here" He passed me my gloves

"I have reinforced them as much as I can without constricting movement of the hand should hold up pretty well to a bite" I nodded thanked Jack again and promised to send Sky down to keep him company as long as they didn't blow the place up

I felt a bit better about what I had to do later the new inventions made me feel safer.
6:30 PM
I said my goodbyes to everyone and checked my new equipment I had been practicing with it since I got it

I looked in the mirror Lara had cut my hair it was now a number 3 all over and I had spiked it up I don't think anyone will be judging my appearance but the new style will make it more difficult for me to be grabbed by the dead

I looked back at my reflection and the person staring back was unfamiliar I had a beard not a full beard but then I had never been able to grow a full one, despite the rationed food I had bulked up considerably mainly due to the exercise regimes Jane had been subjecting us to my arms now actually looked looked like they had muscle and not just matchsticks

I kissed Sky on the cheek goodbye she didn't seem to mind me going so much this time she was going to hang round with Jack til I got back on the condition she would behave herself

Jon offered me one of the guns but I turned it down just in case this was a trick to attack while I was away

I exited the flats and started the 5 min jog up the road to the shopping center

"Wait" I turned round Jane was chasing after me

"I'm coming with you" "No you are not stay here they will need you" "Toby and Jon can look after the place they don't need me it does not matter what you say I'm going to follow you anyway" I rolled my eyes "Fine but stay close to me are you armed?" She shook her head I passed her one of the crowbars and we continued on our way.
The shopping center is set on 3 floors the 1st being the food court and the other 2 just various shops

It was small compared to other shopping centers but I didn't like big cities I hated London even before it became overrun by undead this place was big enough for me

We got to the food court entrance and as the note said it was unlocked we opened the door and jammed a mop through the handles on the other side this place seemed clear of the dead we didn't want to worry about them as well as a possible maniac howling for our blood

"O.K go take cover behind one of the restaurant counters if I need you I will give you a signal" "What's the signal?" Jane asked

"How about please help I'm dying?" "Not funny" "It was a little funny and it get's the message across" She rolled her eyes and hopped over the counter of one of the burger joint's

The light's were on in the shopping center but the escalators were not switched on I couldn't see anyone down here so I headed up to the 1st floor and wandered round past various shops all the shutters were up but no one was here I helped myself to a few DVDs while I was at it

I took the stairs to the top floor and was just outside the sports shop I was weighing up the idea of grabbing a few things when I saw someone

He was sitting with his back to me in a cafe that was situated in the walkway between shops a coffee in one hand and a packet of crisps in the other he didn't seem to have noticed me

I made my way over to him he was not what I expected he was wearing a grey suit with a white suit all ironed and clean with immaculately groomed short brown hair with wisps of grey coming through

Compared to me in my black coat green long sleeved t-shirt and jeans I felt like I was extremely under dressed

When I was with in 20 feet of him with out turning round "Your late" There was a clear hint of annoyance in his voice

"I walked round the tables until I was in front of the man the suit could not have been more of a contrast to the mans face

Bruises scrapes and a nose that looked like it had been broken reset broken again and then trodden on was unevenly spread all over his face he had hard case written all over him

I sat down opposite him pulling out one of the cheap brown seats and taking off my satchel I didn't want it impeding me if this turned nasty

"Sorry the end of the world delayed me" I responded sarcastically

He did not rise to my comment instead just sniffed

"Can I get you a drink?" "Sure a coffee dark 4 sugars if you have it please" "Crisps?" "Salt and vinegar please" He wandered off behind the counter and quickly returned with what I had requested

"Thank you" "Well I'm glad to see the apocalypse has not destroyed your manners" "Great British manners can survive anything" I joked the man smiled "Introductions are in order my name is Graham and you are?" "My name is Tom" "I see and I assume you speak for the group in the flats?" "For now you can but if you wanted to talk you didn't need to set fire to our building we have a kid in there" The man seem unconcerned with this "Yes well we wanted to make sure we had your attention and the last time we showed up you shot at some of our group and injured 2 of them poor Jeff has lost most of the rest of his teeth since meeting you" "Well he will have to rely on his sparkling personality instead and I want you to know I am overflowing with sympathy for your injured men who set attack dog's on us" "One of them was my son" If he expected this to shut me up he was wrong I leaned closer to him "And the people you attacked are my family and friend's if your son or Jeff comes back they wont be leaving" Grahams mouth twitched at the corner he was struggling to keep calm he wasn't used to people standing to him

"I would advise you against making threats the people you have seen so far is a fraction of our numbers there are over a hundred of us" "So what do you want" I spat cutting him off

"Your home we need a more secure place to live" "Go fuck yourself" "Maybe you should let me finish before you start shouting obscenities if the others had there way we would be burning you out of there right now what I'm offering you is the opportunity to pack up and leave with out incident" "Oh well in that case shove it up your arse with a piece of glass" Graham crumpled his coffee cup in his massive hand everything about him was massive he was a good 6'5 more than half a foot bigger than me and about 7 stone heavier not in fat but in muscle he was like a really ugly rugby player

"You understand this is going to happen you can't stop us the only thing to be decided is if we force you out or you leave with all your limbs still intact" "And where are we meant to go?" He sniffed "Hastings has a nice setup apparently" "Well why don't you fuck off over there see how nice it is and maybe we can do a house swap" Saying this might have been a mistake as he leaned in towards me "Leave or die" Malice dripped from the words

I leaned in to my face inches from his "Try and take it you ugly prick" "Last chance" he snarled I heard a click and he brought up a switch blade from underneath the table and put it between my face and his

I picked up my coffee and with out moving my head away took a swig

Suddenly he pulled me towards him his face pressed against mine "Pick!" "Well I guess I don't have much of a choice" He loosened his grip a little and I spat a mouthful of coffee into his face he released me and pawed at his eyes I flipped the table on to him grabbed my satchel and ran for the stairs I had not gotten 20ft away when I heard footsteps following me I turned and saw him chasing after me still clutching is blade I took the stairs 2 at a time and mad it to the bottom just as Graham jumped the last 7 steps and clobbered me with a forearm to the back of the head

We both went sprawling I rolled and sprung to my feet Graham was already up blocking my exit I could try the other way but had no idea if it would be open if it wasn't I would be trapped in a dead end

I turned and ran back up the stairs I could her Graham laughing as he pursued me

As I reached the top of the stairs I extended the baton and took a wild swing at his head and missed we got to the top of the stairs and sized each other up he stepped in and slashed I swirled my satchel in front of it and heard the blade rip through the fabric

He moved in again I couldn't move fast enough and the blade came across me left forearm causing me to drop the baton and it rolled out of reach towards Graham who kicked it away

The only other weapon I had was in the satchel and now that was behind him

I took off running towards the cafe where this had started Graham pursued me behind the counter and got a cupful of boiling water straight in his face he raised his arms and cried out in pain I kicked him in the stomach and he dropped the knife I punched him twice in the face only for him to pick me up and hurl me over the counter I slammed into the store display of the Apple shop as he advanced on me again I was not going to take him in a straight fight as if to prove this point he hurled me through the store front window glass shattered as I hit an I pad display table and bounced off

Graham was laughing he picked me up and threw me back out of the store thankfully not through another window I slide across the floor and hit the escalator barricade and staggered back to my feet only to be knocked back down with a punch to the temple my vision temporarily faded

When it returned Graham was standing over me knife in hand "Any last words?" I spluttered something "What was that I didn't catch that" He moved closer cupping his ear sarcastically

"Fuck you!" I clicked my heel in to floor and with all my strength drove the spike in to his shin

He howled in pain I stumbled back to my feet and rushed him he had no time to react and he tumbled over the escalator barricade somehow he grabbed on to it

I collapsed but crawled over to where he was holding on to a thin piece of overlapping floor getting my baton on the way I looked him in the eye there was fear in it "Help me" It sounded pathetic coming from a man that size and who was intent on trying to kill me 

I hauled myself up and reached down a hand to help him he took it and some how I managed to haul him up so he could jump back over but before he did "Thank you oh God thank you for being so stupid"Another knife appeared in his hand I felt it go in to my side he smiled

Then it faded he looked down at his chest and saw the point of the baton buried in his chest I pressed the button even though the noise was almost silent it echoed in my head as the projectile hit it's mark he tumbled back over the balcony I didn't see him fall

I dropped to my knees and looked down blood was spreading out over my green t-shirt he had caught me on the far left I felt light headed and slumped to the floor

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